Building a Healthy Foundation

• Take responsibility for your own joy. Your partner should bring light to your life, but it is unfair and unrealistic to expect him or her to provide your happiness.
• Always show respect and acknowledge often what you love about your partner.
• Resolve problems together. Open communication and creative solutions will strengthen your relationship.
• Get help early on. The average married couple waits six years before seeking help for conflict. Reach out before problems seem insurmountable.

Fighting Fair

• Be honest, but avoid criticism and belittling behaviors. Don’t judge, insult, blame or roll your eyes. Recognize differences, discuss disagreements and be willing to compromise.
• Don’t suppress your feelings to avoid conflict. Research shows that those who stay quiet during marital arguments are at higher risk of depression and illness.
• Listen without defensiveness. Consider how you can improve yourself rather than focusing on your partner’s mistakes.
• Leave the past behind. Don’t repeatedly bring up past hurts and conflicts.  When you are hysterical don’t get historical.
  

Fostering Affection

• Recognize each other’s contributions. Thank your partner; don’t assume that certain household responsibilities are his or her “job.” If the distribution of responsibilities feels uneven, record the chores you each complete. Then switch tasks for a month to better understand each other’s contributions.
• Laugh and play together.
• Take some solo time to reflect when conflicts push you apart. Then, with your partner, look for common ground and practice forgiveness.
• Never take your partner for granted

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