12 tips to a Healthier Marriage

Whether you’ve been together three months, three years or three decades, relationships require active participation and good communication to stay strong. Avoid conflict, address challenges and make your love last with these 12 steps.

Building a Healthy Foundation

• Take responsibility for your own joy. Your partner should bring light to your life, but it is unfair and unrealistic to expect him or her to provide your happiness.
• Always show respect and acknowledge often what you love about your partner.
• Resolve problems together. Open communication and creative solutions will strengthen your relationship.
• Get help early on. The average married couple waits six years before seeking help for conflict. Reach out before problems seem insurmountable.

Fighting Fair

• Be honest, but avoid criticism and belittling behaviors. Don’t judge, insult, blame or roll your eyes. Recognize differences, discuss disagreements and be willing to compromise.
• Don’t suppress your feelings to avoid conflict. Research shows that those who stay quiet during marital arguments are at higher risk of depression and illness.
• Listen without defensiveness. Consider how you can improve yourself rather than focusing on your partner’s mistakes.
• Leave the past behind. Don’t repeatedly bring up past hurts and conflicts.  When you are hysterical don’t get historical.
  

Fostering Affection

• Recognize each other’s contributions. Thank your partner; don’t assume that certain household responsibilities are his or her “job.” If the distribution of responsibilities feels uneven, record the chores you each complete. Then switch tasks for a month to better understand each other’s contributions.
• Laugh and play together.
• Take some solo time to reflect when conflicts push you apart. Then, with your partner, look for common ground and practice forgiveness.
• Never take your partner for granted