Thursday, December 14, 2017

12 tips to a Healthier Marriage

March 14, 2009 by  
Filed under Featured

Whether you’ve been together three months, three years or three decades, relationships require active participation and good communication to stay strong. Avoid conflict, address challenges and make your love last with these 12 steps.

Building a Healthy Foundation

  • Take responsibility for your own joy. Your partner should bring light to your life, but it is unfair and unrealistic to expect him or her to provide your happiness.
  • Always show respect and acknowledge often what you love about your partner.
  • Resolve problems together. Open communication and creative solutions will strengthen your relationship.
  • Get help early on. The average married couple waits six years before seeking help for conflict. Reach out before problems seem insurmountable.

Fighting Fair

  • Be honest, but avoid criticism and belittling behaviors. Don’t judge, insult, blame or roll your eyes. Recognize differences, discuss disagreements and be willing to compromise.
  • Don’t suppress your feelings to avoid conflict. Research shows that those who stay quiet during marital arguments are at higher risk of depression and illness.
  • Listen without defensiveness. Consider how you can improve yourself rather than focusing on your partner’s mistakes.
  • Leave the past behind. Don’t repeatedly bring up past hurts and conflicts.  When you are hysterical don’t get historical.

Fostering Affection

  • Recognize each other’s contributions. Thank your partner; don’t assume that certain household responsibilities are his or her “job.” If the distribution of responsibilities feels uneven, record the chores you each complete. Then switch tasks for a month to better understand each other’s contributions.
  • Laugh and play together.
  • Take some solo time to reflect when conflicts push you apart. Then, with your partner, look for common ground and practice forgiveness.
  • Never take your partner for granted

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Comments

16 Responses to “12 tips to a Healthier Marriage”
  1. Rebecca says:

    I think these are all great tips. I can especially learn from “Recognize each other’s contributions” because I think I tend to expect too much from my husband. Thanks for the great reminders!

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  2. Anissa says:

    The bit about fighting fair really is key. I’ve heard that from many other sources and it really changes the length and intensity if you follow the rules!

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  3. All of these tips are great! It is funny how we need to be reminded of these simple common sense things, but After a couple years of marriage-I think everyone needs to take a step back and revisit them!

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  4. Katie says:

    Great tips, thanks! I can always use a reminder.

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  5. First time to your blog and first post read. I love the reminders on how to keep a marriage healthy. I was just sharing with a friend’s daughter the other day that my hubby and I had only dated 3 months, long distance and we just celebrated 12 awesome years. She and her mom were really shocked to hear that hubby and I have never had a fight. Your tips are many things we live by daily. We try not to let things bother us and look for the positive in everything. I’m really lucky!

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  6. Angela says:

    Excellent reminders. Now, if we can get those guys to read it and take it to heart as well!

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    • Amit says:

      We do read and take it to heart…lol

      I concur! many time we fight the person and not the issue which in my opinion and experience leaves a deeper scar (scar might be a stronger word here)

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  7. jessica says:

    I agree with recognizing each other’s contributions. It is easy to just assume that each other will continue to plow ahead each day performing the necessary tasks to run a household of busy children – because we will! But thanking each other each day for doing these mundane and repetative tasks is saying, “Thank you for being my parter” – because doing it together is what it is really all about! And who doesn’t like to be THANKED!

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  8. Priscilla says:

    Watch the movie, Fireproof! It is a great movie for a couple or a family to watch. Then do “The Love Dare.”

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  9. she says:

    although i am not married, i’ve had many long-term relationships that ended due to lack of communication at the beginning of a disagreement.

    in my current relationship, which is only 3 months old, i make sure to ask him about his day every day, i try to “just listen” instead of give advice (still working on this one), i buy him small gifts or send him a card in the mail, things like that to let him know i’m thinking about him and that i care.

    these are good tips, and i find that i’m already following a lot of them! great article.

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  10. Teresa says:

    This is an excellent post. I think laughing and playing together is most important. I married my best friend, now deceased, and we had fun together. When I think about him, that’s what I remember most. We were also good at communication and not placing blame. He was a wonderful man.

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  11. Katherine says:

    I ABSOLUTELY agree that everyone should be responsible for their own joy. Without being happy with yourself and through yourself, no one else can make you happy either.

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  12. Sharlita says:

    This is an awesome article. I’m not married but these are great tips for any relationship. My significant other is so withdrawn from me due to depression but I so wish he was around so I could exercise some of these points. I often don’t fight fair due to so much frustration and result to insulting and lashing out. I hope I can at least get that under control. This article makes me really wish I could make my relationship better but it does still take two to make it work.

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  13. AnyaT says:

    One of things which worked for me is to forgive and forget before you go to bed every night. I don’t want me or my husband wake next morning to find me dead, wishing that he had made up with me. No matter how mad we are each other we always make up before we sleep

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  14. Rebecca C says:

    I think the most important thing is to not take each other for granted, it is so easy to get used to how wonderful they are and not thank god you have them everyday!

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  15. Kimberly B. says:

    Great reminders no matter how long you have been married. The communication is so key and not to let it breakdown into silence.

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